The bad 'ol days...

Last night Dan and I were at the grocery store for our weekly shopping trip. We headed back to the produce section to pick up a bag of red apples for Dan's lunches and a cantaloupe for mine. We got back to farthest section of the store and beside the Granny Smith apples I saw a mom and daughter. The daughter couldn't have been out of high school. She was wearing shorts and button-up short sleeve shirt. Her legs were sickly thin and her clavicle was jutting out from under the shirt where the buttons stopped. Her face was gaunt and she was hunched over.

Right away I knew what was going on and it broke my heart. Their cart was full of bottled water, vegetables and fruit. The girl was wearing a look on her face that I know all too well. It said, "I don't want to be here, I'm starting to panic and I want to leave." The mom was gently talking to her, showing the girl a bag of apples and pointing out the nutrition facts on the back. I heard her say, "...only 60 calories" and at that point, I had to abort the cantaloupe mission and walk away.

It made me so sad, sad beyond words, to witness what was happening. I know exactly how that poor girl felt, and from the other side, from a healthy perspective, I know exactly how that poor mom felt. I know that skinny girl was hoping to grind through the torture of the grocery store, of not being understood - of frustration that nobody else knew - that, even though it was 60 calories, it was still food entering her body. And the mom just wanted her poor, deteriorating daughter to have some fruit - some kind of energy and nourishment.

It absolutely broke my heart. As I was looking at pasta sauce with Dan I had to just stop and cry for a minute. It seemed normal at the time - to be concious of what I looked like and want to lose weight because I "needed" to. On the other side, though, it's such a different perspective. I just wanted to hug those people and tell them I knew what it was all about, knew how they felt and would pray for them that things would end well.

As we perused the aisles and finished our shopping, we passed the mom and daughter from time to time and all the while, the girl was carrying the heavy bag of apples in her skinny little arm. She kept looking at them with contempt, but I know she wanted to eat one so badly. I know she did.

I thank God for seeing me through the hard times in my life and blessing me with a healthy body, despite all that I put it through. I'm sometimes embarassed to live with my sin of selfishness and having to know what I put my family through. They cared so much and only wanted me to eat an apple, but I refused, thinking it made me stronger. When I finally saw what was happening to me, I never thought I would get better. And though I never will be completely, I love to eat apples.

When we got done with our shopping, Dan took me out for ice cream and I finished my whole cup without a second thought.