New Chapter

I can't believe I haven't posted about this yet, since it happened about three weeks ago. Since we just got back from Colorado (holla!) and I'm still trying to catch up at work (and life in general), I'm going to cheat and make this post via an email I sent my family (and the girls). So yeah...that's taking care of THREE different means of communication with ONE write-up. That's efficiency right there, folks. Colorado pics are coming! But for now...

So, tell me this isn't totally awesome.

I, lately, have just felt super overwhelmed emotionally and spiritually. And I have no idea why. I think it's because I'm feeling trapped where we (me and Dan) are. Like...working every day, not really moving forward with any of our hopes/goals. And it's a mix of being frustrating, discouraging and scary. I mean, all the while I'm reminding myself how awesome things are for us and how much we've been blessed with. We have each other, our health, a beautiful home, steady jobs and paychecks, the ability to save money, travel, spend a little on ourselves, etc.

So for the last little while I feel like I've been eeking by with God. Like, I pray for things, but it feels like just an exhausted, empty prayer life that I'm not really putting much of myself into. Just asking and nothing more and I keep thinking, "Welp...I prayed about it, surely it'll be okay." And I mean, of course that's the attitude you should have when the request is in true faith and it's genuine and meditated asked for in humility. Do you know what I mean? But I feel like lately I've just been like, "Okay God, please let Dan find a new job." And I either don't have the a) faith or b) energy or c) discipline to really pursue the desires of my heart in a real, genuine, faith-based way. And I've known that I'm having this problem for a while, but it's just like this rut I've been stuck in. And I know I want to go deeper with it, and ultimately, my relationship with God...but I'm so tired. All the time. There are always things to do and errands to run. (I know those are lame excuses and it's embarrassing to even write out, but it's the truth. And I know they're lame excuses.) So anyway.

The other week I was kind of having a pity party and half thinking to myself/half praying, "How can Dan even find a job if he's not really actively looking?" (Every since he had those four interviews a while ago, he's been semi-looking here and there, but nothing very intense. Which is totally fine. I'm trusting God to move in his heart at the right time to pursue something that will be in God's timing, not mine.) So anyway, I was thinking about it and I literally said (I think I was going to the bathroom at the time), "God, how can Dan get an interview somewhere if he's not even looking? That's impossible."

Lit'rally, the next day, Dan called me and said he'd listened to an "interesting" message that Herman Miller left on his cell phone. A lady from Human Resources had told him there was a new job posting for a New Development Product Engineer on Herman Miller's website. She said, "The Engineering department wanted me to tell you to submit your resume online, and they want to call you in for an interview."

Um, HELLO God proving Heidi wrong.

And there's no doubt in my mind that that was God saying to me, "Okay look. I know you're discouraged, but get over it. I'm here. And I'm quiet right now, but I'm here. And don't tell me something's impossible. Because nothing is."

So anyway, Dan submitted his resume and went in for an interview last Thursday and I was still kind of half-heartedly praying about it like, "Well, whatever happens, happens." So the interview came and went and Dan didn't hear anything.

Yesterday afternoon he came home from work saying he'd had a pretty crummy afternoon because he got one of those auto-generated, super generic emails from Herman Miller saying thanks for his interest, but they'd decided to move forward with other candidates. It was super disappointing, but mostly just hard to see Dan discouraged. So I kept trying to just encourage him that there would be more/other opportunities at Herman Miller in the future, not to panic about his career, etc. So he finally kind of perked up a little, but this morning, I could tell he was still kind of bummed.

This morning I finally mustered up the discipline to get up a half hour earlier than normal to read Streams in the Desert and spend some time really, truly praying about things, not just doing it quickly in the car while I had some extra time. So I read the day's devotion, and the corresponding reading was from Job 35. So I read the chapter, and these verses kind of caught my attention: " People cry out under a load of oppression; they plead for relief from the arm of the powerful. But no one says, ‘Where is God my Maker, who gives songs in the night, who teaches us more than he teaches the beasts of the earth and makes us wiser than the birds in the sky?’ He does not answer when people cry out because of the arrogance of the wicked. Indeed, God does not listen to their empty plea; the Almighty pays no attention to it." I read it was kind of taken aback, because usually, when I'm really in need of word from God, they're usually kind and encouraging and flowery and uplifting. But I read the footnote to this passage and in a nutshell (b/c I don't have my Bible with me), it said "Elihu is saying that God does not acknowledge faithless prayers." And for a second, I kind of got scared! I was like, "Oh no! What have I been doing?!"

So then I sat at the kitchen table for like half an hour and cried because of my laziness and lack of faith and my selfishness about so many things. And I confessed to God my faithless prayers and how ashamed I was that I'd actually written that off as "time with the Lord" when I knew in my heart it was empty and not enough. And it felt so refreshing to just pour out all of my sin before God, knowing that I wouldn't be loved any less for it. So anyway, I left that time feeling really encouraged and knowing that I had asked God to keep Dan from having this position at Herman Miller if it wasn't what was best for him. So I felt kind of dumb and embarrassed that God had answered my prayer in that way, and here I was whining and being discouraged about an answer to prayer - just because it wasn't the answer I wanted.

So THEN, Dan called me a few minutes ago and said, "I got an interesting call from Herman Miller." Uhhh....say what now? He said the guy he'd interviewed with left him a voicemail saying, "Hey, it's been a few days, so I just wanted to get in touch with you and let you know you're still on our short list that we're considering for the position you interviewed for." What in the WORLD is going on?! So our guess is that the email he got was sent as a mistake, since it was obviously a generic response they send out - it wasn't personally to him.

So right now I feel like God isn't only using this situation as an opportunity for Dan career-wise, but as a HUGE opportunity for me to learn and be humbled by what He can do. Like, "How can Dan get an interview without looking for a job?" Done. "How can Dan get the job after he got an email saying he'd been eliminated from the running?" Done. You know? Even if nothing comes of it and he doesn't end up getting the job, STILL! Isn't God so amazing in how He's so personal and knows our struggles and weaknesses and uses situations like this to show Himself to us! I just can't get over it!

...Cut to present...

Last Thursday Dan got home from work and told me that he'd stopped by the lumber store to get a piece of wood that he needs for something. And I absent mindedly was like, "Oh, okay..." and then he said, "But that's okay because I'm going to be making a lot more money." And I kind of looked at him, not willing to believe what I knew he was telling me because he's such a trickster! And right there in the driveway after work I just started sobbing and couldn't believe it. Not only because of how the whole thing unfolded, but because God is giving us so much more than I asked Him to. And it's so humbling and encouraging to see God at work. There's nothing better.

Congrats, if you read that entire thing :) So, yay! Dan has a job at Herman Miller and it's SUCH an answer to prayer. Hopefully this fall, once we have the basement finished (and some other updates around the house), we can really put some of our plans and goals into action. Praise the Lord for His mercies and faithful provision! It just baffles me that He loves to give us the things we ask for - not because we deserve them in any way...but just because He's God and He's good and He loves us. 

Dan's last day at work was Monday and he's taking the rest of this week off (good thing, to! He's not feeling well lately. Poor little lamb). His first day at the new job will be July 16. There's a lot of anxiety and unknown that comes with starting a new job - I always feel so sorry for people on their first day at my office. You can just tell they feel a bit awkward. You know, unfamiliar with the people, expectations, dress code, where to eat lunch. There's so much to learn. So I think Dan and I are both anxious for him to get into a new routine, settle into a new work environment and, hopefully, thrive and grow there. 

This is kind of a dumb little thing, but a few days after he was he passed his background check, etc., I found a box from H.M. on the front porch with the mail. I was thinking, "What in the world? Did Dan order something from them?" He opened it, and it was a H.M. tote bag with a card from the owner, welcoming him to the company. The card smelled AWFUL, but it turns out, it's some kind of biodegradable card that, if you plant it, it grows basil. Ftw?! It said something like, "We look forward to you growing with the company, just like this card will grow for you." Wow. Talk about a "real" company that has their (sorry...for lack of a better term) shit together.

We're thrilled, ready to start a new chapter and it's literally IMPOSSIBLE for me to be more proud of Dan than I am. He's worked so hard, dealt with more than his fair share of disappointments I'm so, so, so excited to see God grow, stretch and conform him into the man he's supposed to be. 

So, so, so blessed.