Excuses for a self-centered absence

So my last post was a Christmas update?! For SHAME.

For the last month or so I've been completely wrapped up in my own world and focusing on super hypothetical worries, in classic Heidi fashion. There's no other way to tiptoe around the subject, and I'm pretty sure I know everyone who may frequent my blog; and have no problem with any of those people knowing this information. Around Christmas I decided to stop taking birth control, for a number of reasons. (Number one of which is NOT to try to get pregnant. Not right now, at least.) And now, the worry of the day for me, is that my body won't/isn't bouncing back like it should. And until it does, I'm going to be fretting that my reproductive system has been mauled in some way by being overridden by hormones for the last five and a half years - and that when we're ready to get pregnant, I won't be able to conceive. Yes...yes...please laugh and be in awe at my ability to jump to conclusions. Try as I may, pray as I may, this is how I operate. And every life change involves me being totally broken down to my core and learning major issues of trust, patience and letting go of control. *sigh* Such is my life.

ANYWAY.

I'm realizing that because of my fretting and dwellings on negativity and being totally wrapped up in myself, I've been feeling complete social isolation, which is making things worse. So...here I go. Jumping back into routine, normalcy, NOT thinking about my ovaries, uterus or hormones, and focusing on being healthy, active and..well...normal, hopefully :)

My devos this morning REALLY hit home. The reading was from Romans 4, specifically verses 20-22: "Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. This is why 'it was credited to him as righteousness.'"

Abraham was 100 and Sarah was 90 when Isaac was born. That means, that they conceived, did the deed, they procreated...they had sex...when they were 99 and 89. To say they were old is just being nice. The chances would be high that the "equipment" of a couple that age might not be working properly.
Guess again.
Yet despite all of the odds that were against Abraham, Scripture says HE DID NOT WAVER and was FULLY CONVINCED that God would do what he promised.
To waver means that one vacillates irresolutely between choices. Abraham did not do this. He pushed aside the fear and worry and doubt that {must have} crept in to tempt him to believe otherwise.
To be convinced means one is brought to belief. Abraham believed and it was credited to him as righteousness (Galatians 3:6; Romans 4:3). He was absolutely certain that God would do as He said He would.
And He did.

Friends, without faith, it is absolutely, without a doubt, impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6). 

Every once in a while, I just need a good slap in the face or a violent shake of the shoulders to remember that, no matter WHAT God has planned for me in this life, my only choice is trust Him and praise Him and strive to please Him. What other option would I have? What other option would I want?

God has blessed me so abundantly - with a loving husband, a strong support of family and friends, a good job, a beautiful home, and warm bed, food constantly on my table. So rather than whining and worrying about a baby, I want to spend my time rejoicing over the things that God has given me. And, if He chooses to bless me even more, then hey...all the more reason to celebrate His goodness.

You are the Lord, the famous one, famous one. Great is your name in all the earth. The heavens declare You're glorious, glorious. Great is your fame beyond the earth.

And for all you've done and yet to do, with every breath I'm praising you. Desire of nations and every heart, You alone are God, You alone are God.

The morning star is shining through, and every eye is watching you. Revealed by nature and miracles, You are beautiful, You are beautiful.

You are the Lord, the famous one, famous one. Great is your name in all the earth. The heavens declare You're glorious, glorious. Great is your fame beyond the earth.