Today I ache to be at Bryan again. Something about the weather, the music, the lighting, it makes me want to be sitting at my computer, curled onto my uncomfortable desk chair writing an email and drinking coffee. I miss the routine, the learning, the challenges, the doodling and the three girls that I did everything with. This morning the sky is dark, the snow is blowing hard and I have a creamy nutmeg scented candle going in the living room. Ryan Adams is on the record player and it takes me back to the days of getting up early to go to the weight room then coming back and taking a shower before the rest of the world was awake. I miss those days a lot. Vegetables in the cafeteria at lunch and the daily temptation of over-sweetened gas-station-style cappuccino in the winter at suppers. I can't wait to go back there in May. School will be over and it will be as good as abandoned, but I'll cry to walk through it again and think of so many memories being made there now that my years are over. That place gave me some of the best years of its life and I didn't take advantage, but soaked everything up and salavaged every piece of anything I could find before I left. I miss it. Not to downplay my happiness here by any means, but sometimes the past beckons and you have to answer, if just for a day, or even a minute.
I love the buzz that record players make. White noise that lets you know you're not too technoligally advanced. The only thing that I'd change is having to switch record sides after half the album is over. I guess you can't have your cake and eat it too. I should listen to more records. We have the largest collection of awesome music ever and we hardly ever listen. It's too easy with computer speakers and iTunes to go with the convenient way out. But it's oh-so rewarding to listen to Bruce Springsteen wail on a record player. Speaking of music, me and Dan are going to see Tom Petty in May. I'm unbelievably excited. I've never been a big fan of standing up at concerts when you pay for a seat, but I'd have no problems getting floor seats and being in a mess of standing up, screaming people for this one. I'm that hardcore about Tom and the Heartbreakers.
Every morning at work my boss makes coffee. I haven't been in the habit of drinking coffee everyday, so I thought it wouldn't tempt me. But the office is so cold that I have to have something to warm up my insides and my hands, but I partake. Now, on my morning off, I found myself making coffee because I feel empty without my morning cup. Only two weeks and I'm already hooked again. I guess it's kind of like I'm at work this morning, though. Maybe that makes it right? I have some take-home things to do either today or this weekend. Hey - if I can get paid to work in my p.j.'s while watching Grey's Anatomy or Seinfeld or something equally awesome, I'm definitely not complaining.
I'm in the middle of a book called Born Fundamentalist, Born Again Catholic and it's presenting some really interesting questions for me to ask myself. It's written, obviously, by someone who was raised a fundamentalist but chose to become Catholic in his adult years. I feel really convicted about some issues. But at the same time, it's gut wrenching to think that if I made the decison to become Catholic, the choice may come across as me forsaking my roots and what I was brought up to believe. But then...am I really changing what I grew up believing? Or am I just adding truths to it that I didn't know before? And if I'm adding to it, then what about my family? By me accepting the supplemental truths, are they being left out? Why don't they agree with the truths - and if I believe and they don't am I making a bad decision? It's all very overwhelming and emotional for me to think through. It might take a while. I need prayer and guidance.
On a lighter note, yesterday I went to the gym after work and had a surprisingly wonderful workout. I didn't go on Wednesday because of the bad roads and the fact that I couldn't open my car doors. Yesterday I was on the elliptical for half an hour going over seven miles an hour. That might not sound like much...but trust me...it's much. Then I jogged for a while. I had to go to Meijer to pick up some things afterwards and I took my blood pressure and it was below the norm, so that made me happy. Even though I feel like I've put on a few pounds since we got married, at least I'm still in shape and healthy. That's my biggest fear - to turn into an unhealthy fatty. So as long as I'm active and my heart and other various insides are functioning properly, I can't be too unhappy.
I hope that me and Dan are able to go to Seattle again in September. We've talked about it a little bit, but nothing has come of it. My parents and Amanda's in-laws are both celebrating anniversaries around that time of year, so there could be a get-together of sorts. We have two free plane tickets to anywhere in the country, thanks to Dan's mom and her use of credit cards for her business...which give her perks that she won't use. Hence, they get passed onto us. Anyway, I have a feeling that by September, I'll need a good dose of sister.
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