On Easter Sunday, after brunch with my in-laws, me and Dan were talking to his dad about money, investments, money management, etc. Just having a conversation that led to getting some good, sound advice. It ended, of course, with my fighting tears and eventually succumbing to them in front of Dan's dad and chocking back the words, "I just want a baby. But I know we can't right now." In his thoughtful way, Dan's dad just let me be and didn't mention anything about it once I got myself together.
Later that night, after dinner, Dan's mom pulled me and aside and all she had to say was, "Dad said you were having a bad day?" And then the flood gates opened. Next to a table of leftover deviled eggs and ham I cried and poured my heart out to my dear, supportive mother-in-law. She shared some things with me that really caught me off guard and were kind of eye-opening. Snip-its include but aren't limited to: "I know you crave control but don't fight the desires God has given you" and "Sometimes there's a fine line between using 'responsibility' as an excuse to grip onto your own plan and not see a bigger picture" and "I hear you saying you're so afraid. That you want something so much, but you keep saying 'I'm afraid.'"
....Uuuuhhhhhh....truth.
I don't know what happened to me in that hour and a half, but a lot of things just seemed to align. And suddenly I was very open to something I'd been strongly against for a long time. On one hand, Dan and I are responsible. We don't jump the gun. We're sure of our decisions and then slowly move toward the goal. On the other hand, I do NOT want to be 45 years old and think, "Okay NOW, we have the perfect house, the perfect cars, the perfect jobs and our loans paid off." You can wait until things are perfect, but you'll be waiting quite a long time.
So as me and Dan drove home from Easter dinner we talked about compromise. I was literally sobbing in the Malibu with snot all over my face, scared that Dan wouldn't hear what I was saying and that I would feel completely alone and overwhelmed. We came to a decision. When one of our two loans is paid off, we can think about starting a family - on the condition that, once a baby comes, I can somehow do odd jobs here or there or still work a few hours a week to cover the monthly payments on the remaining loan. This...excites me. (I'll have to really think this through - the thought of still owing monthly payments for a long time is depressing. But the reward and joy gained, I'm SURE, will offset that?)
However...after sitting down yesterday and looking at our income vs. our bills, monthly savings goals, spending needs, etc. We can JUST (and I mean with a tight budget) put $1,000/month toward my student loan of $27,000. When I looked at the numbers, discouragement rushed over me, once again, like a tidal wave. It will still take over two years. Still. That daunting two years. (If Dan got a new job, it could be done in one year. But now, where we are, ONE loan will take TWO years to pay off. Ugh!)
But, you know, this is where we are. This is what we can do right now. Maybe, if/when God decides to put Dan in a more lucrative position, we can double that $1,000/month and have it paid off in one year. But until that happens, nothing's going to change if I keep sitting around crying about how unfortunate this whole situation is. So. This is what we can do for now. So this is what we WILL do for now. And, Lord willing, maybe the loan can be paid off in less than two years. If not, there's nothing more that's in our control. And we deal.
I'm reading this book called Is Your Lord Large Enough? It's by Peter J. Schakel and is about how C.S. Lewis expands our view of God. Yesterday I started in on a chapter about prayer. And it got me thinking - I'm so overwhelmed with God, almost to the point of being angry and frustrated. What am I supposed to pray for? Do I pray that God will give us patience to wait? Faith to move forward? Discipline to be wise stewards with our current income? That God will provide more income? That God will miraculously give us some huge lump sump of money? I have no idea. I have no idea what He wants from me right now. And it's embarrassing and disheartening and confusing. So again, I go back to the basics: What can I be doing? Right now, I can be moving towards the $1,000/month payments and be praying for clarity of God's will. So that's the plan.
(Side note: I realize it may sound super shallow, noncommittal and a bunch of other negative things that I'm talking about financial woes of not being able to start a family...then I go on to talk about finishing our basement. We realize this. We've begun to, and are hence committed to finishing the basement. In late summer, when the basement is finished, is when we're putting our $1,000/month payment plan into action...at which point we'll have gained a crap ton of equity for spending a fraction of the amount gained. So...just wanted to throw that out there.)
On a much lighter note...yesterday our basement drywall was completed! Woo hoo! I can start priming till the cows come home! (And let me tell ya...there's a lot of wall. The cows won't be coming home for quite a long time.) Here are some before/after drywall pictures...and a few add-ons at the end :)
Looking downstairs, into the basement
BEFORE
AFTER
Nook at the bottom of the stairs (We're going to do a built-in desk/storage area in the little nook)
BEFORE
AFTER
Main living space (with sump pump in the corner)
BEFORE
AFTER
Hallway to exercise room/music room
BEFORE
AFTER
Bathroom
BEFORE
BEFORE
AFTER
(Sorry - couldn't get in too far. There are no lights right now b/c we're changing the electrical and fixtures in here.)
Music room
BEFORE
AFTER
Sump pump - the most fear inducing area of the house to me. Paranoid, much?
The sad, sad tale of the treadmill :( You can see the little tear in the belt that caused it to fold over. It's been out of commission since Friday morning so I've been doing Tae Bo. I'M. SO. SORE.
Here's a picture of the fold :( We have a new belt ordered. Once it arrives we have to call the Nordic Track technician in our area to schedule him to come put it on. I HOPE IT'S SOON!
Self portrait, a bit enthusiastic in the exercise room
My hostas are finally coming through!!!! See those little purple buds?! Can't wait for spring! :)
BEFORE
AFTER
Nook at the bottom of the stairs (We're going to do a built-in desk/storage area in the little nook)
BEFORE
AFTER
Main living space (with sump pump in the corner)
BEFORE
AFTER
Hallway to exercise room/music room
BEFORE
AFTER
Bathroom
BEFORE
BEFORE
AFTER
(Sorry - couldn't get in too far. There are no lights right now b/c we're changing the electrical and fixtures in here.)
Music room
BEFORE
AFTER
Sump pump - the most fear inducing area of the house to me. Paranoid, much?
The sad, sad tale of the treadmill :( You can see the little tear in the belt that caused it to fold over. It's been out of commission since Friday morning so I've been doing Tae Bo. I'M. SO. SORE.
Here's a picture of the fold :( We have a new belt ordered. Once it arrives we have to call the Nordic Track technician in our area to schedule him to come put it on. I HOPE IT'S SOON!
Self portrait, a bit enthusiastic in the exercise room
My hostas are finally coming through!!!! See those little purple buds?! Can't wait for spring! :)
5 comments:
Just because you're putting it all out there, what's keeping you from just spreading your payments out over a longer period of time? I know the lure of being debt free is great, but your responsible adults, so it's not like you'll default. I mean, I think it's awesome to pay them off, but is it necessary?
It's necessary if I don't want to have to work way more than I want. We could have kids sooner, but then I'd be working at LEAST half of the week. And that's more than I ever planned on working as a mom. We'd planned to get them BOTH paid off, but a compromise would be just to get one paid off. Then I'd work just a little to cover the cost of that monthly payment. But having to work to cover the monthly cost of both is a bit much. And the thought of waiting just a liiiiiittle bit longer to never worry about it again as opposed to making payments for years....it's just so hard to figure out in my mind. I'm obviously so emotionally wrapped up in these thoughts that I feel like it's almost impossible to make a level headed, normal decision that isn't dripping with maternal instincts. You know? And regardless of whether we pay one or both loans off before kids, it's still out of the picture until Dan finds a new job or gets a big raise. We couldn't even afford to lose half of my income (if I worked part time) and have a baby, if Dan just keeps the income that he has :(
But feedback like this and suggestions are SO, SO welcome and appreciated. It gets us thinking about options.
Does Patrick pay any student loans? (You don't have to answer that publicly if that's too personal of a question.)
Patrick does have student loans, but just like 11k. So I think it's a really low payment. The interest rate is so low that he's making the minimum payments.
Yeah, our interest rates are super low, too. I think like 1.2% or something.
I mean, I was thinking this morning that if we just pay off one loan before kids, it would only be one short year after Dan gets a job that I would be able to stop working.
So that means, a few MONTHS after a new job comes along, we'd be able to start considering. That puts me at ease a little. But it's just the waiting on the job part. Patience my love...patience :)
Hey Heidi. All your pictures made me excited. Becca needs to put pictures in her blog posts. She quit doing it lately for some reason. Maybe it's because she is "So Very Busy" and lacks "Sleep".
Also, if I may weigh in on the debt situation:
First: I had student debt of about $11k. I think it's down to around $10k now. I just set it up to pay it off over a period of 15 years. The interest rate is low enough that I don't feel like I need to be in a hurry.
Second: On your debt. Are you saying that you'd have trouble making the minimum payments with a baby, or on making payments at the rate you are making them now (which may be above minimum)? It may be possible to restructure your debt or change your payment options to spread it out over a longer term.
I understand the value of eliminating a debt completely if the minimum payments from various debts all add up to be difficult to handle. But if this isn't the case, I would always pay off debts with higher interest rates first.
Here is a simpler than real life example, but it illustrates my point:
Say you owe $120k on a house at 5% interest and $27k on student loans at 2% interest. Over two years, you can either pay $20k on the house or on the student loans (ignore for this example monthly payments you'd already be making).
At the end of the two years, you would have either: saved yourself about $1500 worth of interest from the house OR saved yourself about $600 worth of interest from the student loans.
Yes, you'd have paid the student loans down a lot more, but you're ultimately shelling out more cash this way.
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