My grandpa died on Saturday. His health had been declining for years, but it was still completely jarring to get an email from my uncle on a Monday morning that said, "...both the hospice staff and the Sunrise staff indicate that Jim will probably die within 2 weeks." Sure enough, five days later.
My family were all given a unique opportunity - to say goodbye. It's an overwhelming thing. To choose the last words you'll say to a loved one; to think of the last thing you'll ever say. My sisters and I each wrote a letter to Papa and my aunt graciously read them to him. Do you dance around it? Do you say, "You're dying. You know it, I know. And I love you." I love that Kristen said, "You're just about to go to heaven...I wonder if you're a little scared or just really excited or just tired and ready to be there." I wish I could have heard his answer.
There's no better song for this post (because yes, I feel that every significant event in life can be linked to a good, good song) than Warren Zevon's Keep Me in Your Heart (which he wrote when he knew he'd soon pass away due to cancer).
Me and Papa, 2007 |
Shadows are falling and I'm running out of breath,
keep me in your heart for a while.
If I leave you it doesn't mean I love you any less,
keep me in your heart for a while.
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When you get up in the morning and you see that crazy sun,
keep me in your heart for a while.
There's a train leaving nightly called 'When All Is Said and Done',
keep me in your heart for a while.

Sometimes when you're doing simple things around the house,
maybe you'll think of me and smile.
You know I'm tied to you like the buttons on your blouse,
keep me in your heart for a while.
Hold me in your thoughts, take me to your dreams,
touch me as I fall into view.
When the winter comes, keep the fires lit
and I will be right next to you.
Engine driver's headed north up to Pleasant Stream,
keep me in your heart for a while.
These wheels keep turning but they're running out of steam,
keep me in your heart for a while.
Sha-lalala-lala-li-lalala-lo,
keep me in your heart for a while.

Love you, Papa
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