Because He is God: Just another Wednesday

In two weeks and one day, my sister Kristen will be here with Jeff, Nate, Mercy and Ben. This. Is. Huge. I haven't seen Ben since he was about six months old and now he's a real boy. Nate will be TEN this December and has entered his awkward years. I cannot WAIT to be with them and have them meet Jack!

In two weeks and four days, my parents will fly in! Ten people under my roof! Oh, the joyful chaos that will abound!

Life is moving along as per usual in the Schu house these days. And by "usual" I mean, I'm adjusting to being a 90% stay-at-home-mom and feeling my way through the office/working-from-home remaining 10%. It's a challenge, and I wish I could altogether quit my job, but the agreement was that the money I make would go towards travel for me - visiting my family and flying hither and yon. And that's something I'm not willing to sacrifice. It's been important for me from the get-go to take Jack as many places as I can, show him where I came from and where my family lives. And if that means annoying work emails, running to the office on short notice because SOMEBODY doesn't know how to edit PDF's...then fine. Whatever.

Jack is growing like a champ and Dan's new nickname for him is "Chumbo." He's got the thigh rolls going on and when I pick him up to burp him after he eats, I'm shocked every time at how much of a "real baby" he is. He has left the newborn days long behind him. My child...your growth excites me, but makes my heart ache. Please always need me as much as you do now.

Juliette, my niece, is fighting like a champ. She has her THIRD (count it...third...) surgery tomorrow and she's naught but three months old. Precious baby girl. This surgery will be to remove more of the Immature Teratoma in her mouth/sinus to help her breathe. She's been struggling with it for a while, so removing another portion of it will be a relief for her. (90% was removed the week she was born, but at that time, she was too little for the doctors to do much else.) She'll be back in the ICU after her surgery, but Jason and Amanda aren't discouraged by that. Two steps forward, one step back. That's the name of the Erickson game right now. On a high note: Jules is now over EIGHT POUNDS! Little chunk! She's into newborn clothes and has outgrown preemie clothes. Amanda is thrilled :)

Today I was going through my old work tote bags and cleaning them out. I found my journal and was reading through some old entries. I found this one, written June 27, 2013. Almost a month before I found out I was pregnant with Jack...when I still had such fear of infertility and was hanging onto my trust and hopefulness by a thread. I read it now and it seemed a lifetime away. Well...my baby's lifetime:

I'm standing on a cliff in the desert. The wind is blowing wildly and dust is swirling all around in the presence of the Lord. I see Him, as a great, billowing cloud, rising up before me. He commands my attention, my awe, my respect, my fear; and I gladly give it, for I know I am in His presence. I'm standing, bold but humbled, with a mangled walking stick. Atop the stick is a tattered, dirty, torn white flag. I hold my white flag of surrender up, in the presence of the Lord. I am weary. Thirsty. Worn and ragged. I beg God to take my white flag, to relieve me in my surrender. He takes it. And I wait. I wait in the desert, knowing God is not far off - my protector, defender, strength, healer. He is not far off, but I wait alone. I wait to see what the Lord will give me, if anything at all. It is painful, excruciating, long, this wait. Morning comes the next day and I am holding my white flag. Again. Parched and empty and tired. Again. And again, I give my white flag to God, praying for grace and hoping for peace. I surrender. And I wait. And I pray. Daily.

2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slow in keeping His promise, as some understand slowness. Instead, He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

"This is my desire, consume me like a fire, because I just want something beautiful to touch me. I know that I'm in reach because I am down on my knees, WAITING FOR SOMETHING BEAUTIFUL."