But I'm just about a moonlight mile on down the road

Picture: Dan, in Chattanooga. Because I love him and wish I could be hanging out with him at home...in which case I'd be in my slippers, watching GMA and sipping coffee on the couch.

I have LOTS of things to say in this entry, so it might be short snip-its of lots of things. Except my Fearless quotes. No holding back on those.

Last Friday Dan and I went to his parents' house for supper. We did laundry then, rather than Saturday. It was more wonderful than I'd ever dreamed to be able to sleep in until 9:00, not worrying about being showered and ready to go by 10:00. A totally free Saturday. A dream come true. I wish we could invite ourselves over for supper every Friday so the routine could continue. Sadly...that won't happen.

Dan got me a Joe Kennedy, Sr./JFK documentary from the library. I've only watched the Joe Sr. part so far, and was proud of myself for how much of the trivial information I already knew. Turns out I retain information by reading after all! Who knew?!

32 days until our trip to Seattle! I'm excited for donuts and coffee in downtown Poulsbo on a crisp Spring morning. Nothing better, nothing better. I love my family and I love the Pacific Northwest. With the two combined, enjoyment is limitless.

Monday night The Bachelor: The Women Tell All was on. Jake and Ali were reunited for the first time since she left the show because of work. It was obvious that he was still really sad she left. They're still in love! I know who he picks because I read a spoiler (I couldn't help myself). Honestly...I wasn't surprised.

Multigrain cheerios are a GREAT way to start the day. Preferably with a sliced banana in light soy milk. But 1% regular milk works too.

Dan and I have started watching Curb Your Enthusiasm. Very interesting. It's funny, but in a much more subtle way than even The Office. I think you have to be really receptive to different kinds of humor to appreciate it. It's hilarious, but at the same time infuriating. Oh, Larry David.

I kind of laughed when I heard that Dick Cheney was in the hospital. Maybe he should tone his Obama-bashing down so his heart can rest. (Don't get upset people - I didn't vote for Obama, but I'm not tearing him down and promoting partisanship.)

With a possible end to Dan's unemployment money heading our way, we're facing some hitherto unbreached issues of finance in our marriage. We've never really had to have a tight budget (which we know...that means we're ABUNDANTLY blessed). I think it'll be a really good exercise in communication, self control and teamwork. It's definitely doable, but we're heading for some conversations and compromises we haven't had to make up to this point. Bring on the excitement! God has always provided for us and always will. We're not worried, but just preparing for a few changes, that's all.

God's been teaching me personally SO much through this experience (Dan not having a job). Sometimes I'm so subconsciously self-centered that I have to remind myself that God has a purpose for Dan in this, not just me. I mean, after all, Dan IS the one without a job :) I just get so excited about how I see God teaching me so much about my issues of control. Last night I realized that, not only am I learning to let go of control in this isolated situation, but in my life in general and that's awesome. It's something I've been struggling with for years upon years. I'm praying that God is moving or will move in Dan's heart as much as He's stirring in mine. I'm so much more open and conversational about my spiritual life than Dan...mostly because of our different upbringings (Protestant/Catholic).

I wrote this in my journal, regarding Dan's painfully awkward job at E.S.T. and how it relates to what God is teaching me: "To appease my faithless begging, God gave Dan a job. It was awful. It seemed forced and I think God was saying to me, 'Okay, Heidi. You got what you wanted. See? This is what happens when you trust yourself more than me. I'll give you what YOU think is best for YOU when YOU want it. Then you'll see how wrong you are. Because I love you and I'm merciful, I'll take it away after a while. Then we can start over and you can learn to trust me a little bit more than before.' Dan, I love you and I know this is happening to you, first and foremost. I can't wait, in the end, to see what God has taught you too."

This is already kind of long, but I'm not leaving out Fearless! (I'm almost done...just the conclusion to go.)

"Good to Great tells the story of Admiral James Stockdale, who was a prisoner of war for eight years during the Vietnam War...[the author] then asked, 'Who didn't make it out?' Admiral Stockdale replied, 'Oh, that's easy. The optimists...they were the ones who said, 'We're going to be out by Christmas.' And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they'd say, 'We're going to be out by Easter.' And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart.'" (This was EXACTLY my attitude for all of 2009..."Maybe by this time...maybe by this time...")

"Real courage embraces the twin realities of current difficulty and ultimate triumph. Yes, life stinks. But it won't forever. As one of my friends likes to say, 'Everything will work out in the end. If it's not working out, it's not the end.'"

"Somewhere between blind denial and blatant panic, stands the levelheaded, clear-thinking, still-believing follower of Christ. Wide eyed, yet unafraid. Unterrified by the terrifying."

"Be faithful unto death, and I will give you the crown of life (Rev. 2:10 RSC)."

In reference to Jesus, Peter, James and John on Mount Hermon (Matt.17:1-8): "They were gripped deep in their gut that God was, at once, everywhere and here. The very sight of the glowing Galilean sucked all air and arrogance out of them, leaving them appropriately prostrate. Face-first on the ground...This is the fear of the Lord. Most of our fears are poisonous. They steal sleep and pillage peace. But this fear is different. 'From a Biblical perspective, there is nothing neurotic about fearing God. The neurotic thing is NOT to be afraid, or to be afraid of the wrong thing. That is why God chooses to be known to us, so that we may stop being afraid of the wrong thing. When God is fully revealed to us and we 'get it,' then we experience the conversion of our fear...'Fear of the Lord' is the deeply sane recognition that we are not God.'"

"Ascend [Mount Hermon]. Stare long and longingly at the Bonfire, the Holy One, the Highest One, the Only One. As you do, all your fears, save the fear of Christ himself, will melt like ice cubes on a summer sidewalk. You will agree with David: 'The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? (Ps.27:1).'"

"The longer we live in him, the greater he becomes in us. It's not that he changes but that we do; we see more of him. We see dimensions, aspects, and characteristics we never saw before, increasing and astonishing increments of his purity, power and uniqueness."