You've heard my every anxious thought

Picture: A misty Pacific Northwest morning. This is in my sister's driveway circa September 2008. The tall trees there amaze me.

It's Lent. And it's Friday. Which means no meat today. We were out of peanut butter, so I couldn't have the classic PB&J. (Pam Beesly and Jim) I obviously can't have lunchmeat and we had no tuna on hand. So for lunch today? On the menu: pudding cup, crackers and sunchips. Possibly the weirdest meal I've ever eaten. And my stomach's not thanking me. Ah, Lent. Ah, sacrifice.

Mornings have presented me with a major challenge this week: Fatigue. I get up and go the the gym, come home, shower and do my devotions. I feel so embarrassed before God, but for the past three days I've fallen asleep while praying. I think it might be because I've started blow drying my hair after my devos...which means that while my eyes are closed praying, I'm comfortably sitting with a warm towel atop my head at 6:15am. On second thought, I'm not surprised that I've been falling asleep. That situation is like asking for a sleepy disaster.

(Side note - JUST realized I've been misspelling the word "embarrassed" for years.)

I got Grace & Power from Dan for Valentine's Day! Along with Profiles in Courage, Thirteen Days and an Uncle Tupelo vinyl. (The record was a joint present to us from our teddybears, HeidiBear and SchuBear. They're real - they walk around and sneak food from the fridge when we're not home.) I'm really excited to start some new reading when I finish Fearless.

Speaking of Fearless, last chapter's non-amazement was made up for with today's chapter - fear of change. How does that not apply to pretty much everyone in the world? Even since Dan lost his second job, I've seen God grow my faith by leaps and bounds. I won't deny it - it's kind of discouraging to think of unemployment in earthly terms. I mean, there are pretty much ZERO jobs out there and who knows long it'll take the economy to recover. It's so easy to get wrapped up the panic of it all. BUT. God's presence in my life gives me a peace that's beyond words. Whenever God is ready to give Dan a job, through His love and His will, He can create a job special for him. If I trust God and trust His PERFECT (and I do mean perfect...I've experience it before and it IS perfect) timing, then what is there to worry about? God continually looks on us with love and if I could hear His voice, I'm sure it would be saying, "Be faithful and just wait for Me. I haven't forgotten about you and I never will. Just be faithful and wait." And we are. There's nothing more to do and I'm THRILLED about it. He can't be unfaithful and at this point, I feel like I can't be unfaithful to Him for all He's given me.

Fearless quotes:

This is a long one but PLEASE read all of it. It's worth it!
"On our list of fears, the fear of what's next demands a prominent position. We might request a [life without fear], but we don't get it. The disciples didn't. 'I am going away' (John 14:28). Imagine their shock when they heard Jesus say those words...The disciples were talking kingdom rhetoric, ready to rain down fire on their enemies...They envisioned a restoration of Israel to her days of glory...This was the parade to freedom, and Jesus was leading it. And now this? When Jesus explained, 'You know the way to where I am going,' Thomas, with no small dose of exasperation, replied, 'No, we don't know, Lord. We have no idea where you are going, so how can we know the way?' (John 14:4-5 NLT). Christ handed the disciples a cup of major transition and they tried to hand it back. Wouldn't we do the same? Yet who succeeds? What person passes through life surprise free?"

"God dispenses life the way he manages his cosmos: through seasons. When it comes to the earth, we understand God's management strategy. Nature needs winter to rest and spring to awaken. We don't dash into underground shelters at the sight of spring's tree buds. Autumn colors don't prompt warning sirens. Earthly seasons don't upset us. But unexpected personal ones certainly do."

"God sends someone special to stabilize us. On the eve of his death, Jesus gave his followers this promise: 'When the Father sends the Advocate as my representative - that is, the Holy Spirit - he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you. I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid' (John 14:26-27)."

"The assurance Jesus gives to the disciples is this: 'I am going away. you are entering a new season, a different chapter. Much will be different, but one thing reminds constant: my presence.'"

"When you place your faith in Christ, Christ places his Spirit before, behind and within you. Everything Jesus did for his followers, his Spirit does for you."

"God never sends you out alone. Are you on the eve of change? Do you find yourself looking into a new chapter? Is the foliage of your world showing signs of a new season? Heaven's message for you is clear: when everything else changes, God's presence never does."

"Certain chapters in life seem so unnecessary. Suffering. Loneliness. Disease. Holocausts. Martyrdom. Monsoons. If we assume this world exists just for pregrave happiness, these atrocities disqualify it from doing so. But might these challenges, severe as they may be, serve to prepare us, equip us for the world to come? As Paul wrote, 'These little troubles are getting us ready for an eternal glory that will make all our troubles seem like nothing' (2 Cor. 4:17)."

"Make friends with whatever's next. Embrace it. Accept it. Don't resist it. Change is not only a part of life; change is a necessary part of God's strategy. To use us to change the world, he alters our assignments."