I have a picture of you from our favorite day by the seaside...

Today is a melancholy day. For sure. I drove to work by myself and missed Dan (we've been carpooling since we moved). I've been fighting sleep and a slow computer for an hour and a ahalf, and the bleak white sky outside is screaming at me that I should be at home reading and drinking coffee on my couch instead of at my desk. It sounds like a sob story, but some day are just meant to be like that. Sometimes I'm just happy to be sad.

My poor husband. I've been neglecting him, so. (The realization, in it's humiliation and sobering affirmation of my self-centered nature, is most likely largely contributing to my "sad day" mood.) Our lives, for at least the last three months, have been revolving around HOUSE and MONEY. Given my focused and ridiculously organized nature, it's super hard for me to live in the middle of a project - to be patient while funds build, dust settles, and be content to live in a 75% furnished home. My mind is reeling and won't stop until all decor is purchased, all things are in their place and I can stand back and see completion. I realized that I can't remember the last time I talked to Dan about something non-house. Like music or his guitars or fun stuff...or gone on a date or surprised him. It makes me really sad. He's being so patient with my planning thoughts that are constantly going about a million miles an hour (which I almost ALWAYS verbalize). So I decided that sometime this weekend I'm going to take him to the cheap movie theater, get some supps and let him roam the music section at Best Buy and go to Dick's Sporting Goods to look at golf stuff.

My oh-so deserving boo

So, embarrassing moment of truth. I'm starting to watch this season of The Bachelor. Michelle has GOT to go. A manipulative little fox, she is!! Look lady, just because it's your 30th birthday doesn't mean you "deserve" a rose. You knew it was going to be your birthday when you signed up for this business! Get over it! Also, last night on E! News I saw the first picture from Breaking Dawn - Bella and Edward's first night at Isle Esme. OMG, I can't tell you how I squealed. (It alarmed Dan.) SO excited. It doesn't help that I'm reading Breaking Dawn again (side note - I'm at the part where they go for their first hunt after Bella changes). Twihard FOREVER. (Also, my new re-sized t-shirt that Dan got me for Christmas came in the mail - it's Alice in the yellow porsche waving and it says "Cia Volturi." Awesome.)

I'm starting back up with Streams In The Desert...because I'm realizing that no matter what stage of life I'm in, I'm always going to struggle with control, doubt and fear. Always. No matter what. I was worried we'd Dan would never get a job. He got one. I was worried we'd never find a house. We found one and bought it. Now I'm worried about money...the insecurity and personal trials will never end...which is why I found this morning's reading very delightful:

In all these things e are more than conquerors through him that loved us (Rom. 8:37)

This is more than victory. This is a triumph so complete that we have not only escaped defeat and destruction, but we have destroyed our enemies and won a spoil so rich and valuable that we can thank God that the battle ever came. How can we be "more than conquerors"? We can get out of the conflict a spiritual discipline that will greatly strengthen our faith and establish our spiritual character. Temptation is necessary to settle and confirm us in the spiritual life. It is like the fire which burns in the colors of mineral painting, or like winds that cause the mighty cedars of the mountain to strike more deeply into the soil. Our spiritual conflicts are among our choicest blessings, and our great adversary is used to train us for his ultimate defeat. So temptation victoriously met doubles our spiritual strength and equipment. It is possible thus not only to defeat our enemy, but to capture him and make him fight in our ranks. The prophet Isaiah speaks of flying on the shoulders of the Philistines (Isa. 11:14). These Philistines were their deadly foes, but the figure suggested that they would be enabled not only to conquer the Philistines, but to use them to carry the victor on their shoulders for further triumphs. Just as the wise sailor can use a head wind to carry him forward by tacking and taking advantage of its impelling force; so it is possible for us in our spiritual life through the victorious grace of God to turn to account the things that seem most unfriendly and unfavorable, and to be able to say continually, "The things that were against me have happened to the furtherance of the gospel."